Monday, January 5, 2015

3 months from now!

05/01/2015 aka NOW

I have nothing to wear! Literally! Not because I can't find anything suitable for the occasion but because I have 'outfatted' everything I own except  a couple of sweaters and a pair of blue stretchy pants which have been stretching on and on along with my ever growing waistline! I wear them all the time except when I need to wash them and that's when  I am in my PJs!
Buying new clothes is out of the question because I will have to deal with condescending looks from sales people and feel their pity as they size me up and down telling me that they are sorry but do not stock clothes that fit me. Besides, I'd rather spend the money on something I really like!

Let me intruduce myself! I am and have always been overweight but luckily, I am also an optimist. My height is 1.62cm so I should weigh around 55kg but last time I saw this number on my scales was in 1987 when I was in 7th grade.The amount of weight I need to lose ranges at times from 10 -25kg and for the umpteenth time, I am finding myself in the extremely embarassing sutuation of having reached rock bottom. In my case this translates as 'cannot get any fatter!' I don't sleep well, I feel very heavy and I have even had a slight backache which is really worrying and probably the wake up call I have been waiting for.

I have named this post 3 months from now because this is when I turn 40 and I realise that I have spent my best years, not living the way I wanted to, because my weight has somehow always been in the way.(I will dedicate more to this topic later) An example of this which I have never admitted to anyone but myself is that this Christmas I didn't go back home to see my parents and family (I live abroad) because I didn't want them to see me. (My excuse for not going was that my husband could not take time off work which was true anyway). You see,  back in September 2014, I weighed 68kg and in a matter of three months I managed to pile on 13kg!!! (I only found out a second ago myself! I was in denial all this time!) So I now weigh 81,1kg and my resolution for the New Year is to lose as much as possible as a 40th birthday present! Enough  at least in order to take decent photos on my birthday! I have a plan for reaching my goal but before I get to it I want to share a bit of my background with you.


Ever since I remember myself, I have loved eating. My mum tells me I always cried even after I finished the milk in my baby bottle because I wanted (or needed) more, even as an infant! My little sister on the flipside, who as opposed to me, would not finish her milk, is, was and will always be thin. As for me, There is hardly anything I don't like or won't eat. I have a sweet tooth but I also love salty things. Even fruit and vegetables although my favourites are carbs. The only positive aspect of being overweight is that since I have been trying to lose weight for over two decades, I am generally healthy and fit. I have always exercised, swum, run or taken pilates or yoga lessons but you could never tell because of the layers of flab that covered my sixpack!

How I got to this point aka 

It all started at the end of september when I skipped gym for a week due to heavy workload. At the same time, my husband  brought over ice-cream two evenings in a row and we pigged out while watching tv. I felt too embarassed to go to the gym because I thought my weight gain would be too obvious and did not feel comfortable so I stopped going altogether and suddenly my attitude went back to the ...Hell, I will never be thin, I might as well enjoy eating!!! Not exercising made me less happy too, more prone to get depressed and blame myself for everything which became a vicious circle and led me to spend more and more time indoors. As a result, I burnt fewer calories due to lack of movement and ate more out of boredom. I am sure a lot of you out there can sympathise with me.

Despite all this, I am an optimist and I hope I will be able to go back to my old self who enjoyed working out and did so frequenlty. I also need to change my eating habits so my first aims for the week is to not eat sugar and to lose at least 1,1kg in order to see the number 7 on the scales. (81.1kg now aiming for 79,9 at most)
That's all for now! I'd better go do some grocery shopping!

P.S I live in Italy where everything tastes delicious, women are somehow thin, and fashion rules!!!